HOLDING BACK

I was once an invisible. All through high school I never made it to popular lists. It seemed that I was just never “cool” enough to be noticed by anyone. I even hid my true self just to be with some on the so-called list. Still, I end up as just one of the passers-by.
Now I’m old enough to realize I wasted my time trying to be someone else and not just me. Some times it even scares me that I don’t know who I am really. My mood always changes and my dreams and goals in life just seem to be different everyday.
How hard it could have been to just be myself then? Would it have been different if I never insisted on being popular? All I wanted then was for someone to see me and love me without looking at my physical appearance then. But that’s high school. It’s the time everyone was divided by good looks and the not-so good looks. Such a shame…
I recently graduated at college. High school has been long over but still it was still like yesterday. Yes its true high school is one of the best times. The experience is just indescribable. Thanks to my friends back then and some of them till now, I’ve also had a wonderful time regardless of my goal then. That goal has been over for almost a decade now but my inner subconscious still practices the way I think back then. I want it to be over. I want to know who I am now and know what really my dreams are. I don’t want to be confused anymore. I just want to be happy. I just want to build my dreams now. Whatever that may be…